Contrary to the Blog Title...

...the appalcart blows! Let me tell you why:

1) To the contrary of other blogs which I may have posted, awarding unmerited glory and accolade to the invention of the AppalCART, I neglected to research one detail: there is no appalcart that takes me to and from campus. I'm a graduate student who is trying to use his car as little as possible. While I was scouring my area for appalcart stops, I found several on the opposite side of the street, about a half mile down from my apartment. Honest to God check this out:


This sign is outside of my apartment. Let's count here 1,2,3,4,5 different Routes which you could take to get you anywhere in Boone. While normally the following logic doesn't apply, in this case the number of roadways directly corresponds to the number of lanes which I have to cross to get across the street TO the appalcart stand!! 5 lanes! And we're not talking about 5 lanes of traffic like you see in Grove City, PA...this is a serious 5 lanes of constant traffic. The appalcart INSISTS that if I want a ride within her balmy bowels, I must take my life in my hands in order to meet her. If I'm going to take my life in my hands, I'm at least going to do it with something fun like a quarter keg of Beast, some Legos(tm), a couple of pistols, and a mechanical wheel that spins around on a dias throwing knives out its sides.

Oh,, there's another serious flaw with the appalcart: YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOREVER TO GET ON!!! Look at this poor girl: one look at the discouragement on her face, at the black garb of mourn which she has draped over her drooping shoulders, at the bag of circus peanuts that she's eating fist after fist of and you know exactly what happened to her...the APPALCART LEFT HER!! If the appalcart will leave this poor girl behind, then you can bet that, sure as shootin', it's going to leave you behind too...regardless of whether you're trying to write a blog about how cool it is.


So to all blog readers out there I do offer an apology. I haven't been able to get onto the appalcart yet, but it's totally not my fault. I hope that you will all be patient with me. In the meantime, I'm going to go write a paper on this bad boy! See ya at the appalcart stop ya jerks-I'll be the one with the peanuts.