You sunk my battleship, er hairpiece!

"Hahahahahaha, ohhhh hahahahahahah" was the quote from Carly that I got yesterday when we saw one of the most spectacular automobile disasters! The juxtaposition of the potentially deadly with the deadly comical was such an odd thing to witness, that I figured I would have to tell someone about it!

So Carly and I are coming home from church yesterday, right(heads up, here is my first digression)? The pastor of the church we went to, God bless him, wasn't the most effectively articulate pastor. He was great at confusing words to articulate erroneous, nay heretical statements at the congregation (And let us remember that Jesus loved us, forgave us, and died for us not to bring glory unto himself, but he did it rather for himself...uh...). That priceless gem wasn't the result of a nervous bumbling or loss of time and place...the dude had the statement written on a notecard which he was reading! Another of my favorite word enigmas was (during prayer) And God...we pray for the violence...we pray for the fear. PERIOD!! THAT'S IT! We pray for violence and we pray for fear! It's not often that I lose my composure in church, but I seriously started laughing right in the middle of the prayer! We pray for violence and fear! Chrisitians are struggling enough in the public eye, the last thing we need to be known for is openly praying for violence and fear to be on our side. The kicker was that the sermon was suppoesd to be an exegetical lesson from the 4th chapter of Ephesians, with emphasis (are you ready for this?) on how beneficial or hurtful our words can be to others. Hahahaha, I don't care who you are, that's funny.

Ok so Carly and I walk out of church with our sides splitting. We hop in the car to make the .25 mile trip back to my house. Somewhere in that quarter mile stretch we observe one of the more hilarious events that you could ever possibly observe in a car. We were coming close to a red light at the intersection of King and Hardin streets. Two cars up from us, a gentleman in a whiteish Nissan somethingorother comes to a stop. BAD MOVE!!! The dumb coed right in front of us apparently doesn't see the pair of blake lights right in front of her, or the red light dangling above he 2 blake lights. CRASH!! This chick slams into the back of this dude. Before you start calling me heartless and insensitive for thinking this is funny, you have to check this out:

The girl slams into the dude. CRASH! Carly and I are watching this holding our breath, just hoping that everyone is alright. I'm looking at the guy in Nissan from his rearview, and I see his head whip back and his hat fall off. He then proceeds to whip his head back and forth inside the car, looking up and down and all around. His arms are flailing and it looks like he's vomiting ot the most profane utterances that humans can utter. This goes on for about 20 seconds, and whereas the girl has stepped out of her car, dude-man in the Nissan is still flailing. I'm thinking this is the most pissed off I've ever seen someone! He hasn't even gotten out of the car yet because he's too busy cursing this girl out and flailing his arms! But as soon as he steps out of the car, I realize why he's taken to long to collect himself and step out of the car.

Somewhere in the collision, this guy's head had jerked back and his hat had fallen off. At least I thought it was his hat. Once he finally appeared outside the vehicle, it was clear and the dude's hairpiece had fallen off!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! He stepped out of the car, face as red as a beet, with his toupee halfway on his head. He kept trying to pat it down in front of this girl and look somewhat jovial. He kept on tucking pieces of hair behind his ears oblivious to the fact that you could clearly see the back of his head wasn't covered by hair. All that flailing around was to try to find his hair piece hahahahahahahahahaha!!! It took me a little while to actually absorb what was happening: Carly and I were witnessing comedic gold! This is the stuff that sitcoms are made out of! This is the stuff that comedians get paid way too much to crack jokes about! This was so funny, and it happened right in front of the both of us.

Anyway the dude never got is hair on straight, he looked like he was wearing a twice immolated beaver pellet, and everyone at the intersection of Hardin and King knew that this guy was a bonafide turd-burgler. Carly and I had a good chuckle about it all the way home, and then we ate some turkey sandwiches. The moral of today's story?

DON'T BE A DOUCHE-AY, STOP WEARING A TOUPEE!!!

I'm out!